Getting Older is Much Better When You're Getting Younger

Last week I saw The Muppet Movie. Since this isn't a movie review blog I won't break down the plot points and various set design questions, but I will give it 4 "Waka Wakas." I'm not sure if 4 "Waka Wakas" is any good since Fozzie only says that after a bad joke, but it's better than 4 Waka Flocka Flames which will probably just get you arrested outside a Chick-fil-A at 1:30 AM.

The whole last paragraph was brought to you by "I Love Pop Culture"... a Rahul joint.

This is the part where I tell you that I grew up on the Muppets and Kermit was my favorite frog of all time. Unfortunately, that would be untrue. The only thing I really remembered about the Muppets before seeing the movie was that Miss Piggy was a straight up she-wolf in a pig outfit, Kermit was the ringleader, someone named Animal loved head banging, Fozzie told the aforementioned horrendous jokes, and that chef guy really needed to take a linguistics class. The clues I got about their characters were all from that show "Muppet Babies" which really provides no details about them because what information do babies know? Nothing. If babies gave us any information maybe they wouldn't be crying all the time.

Crybabies.

While we were in the theater I noticed that my friend and I were the only two people in the place without kids attached to our arms, legs, and left clavicles. All that was missing from the theater were finger-paints on the walls and the inability of some poor kid to stick a french fry in the proper hole. It then dawned on me that my friend and I had also seen Madagascar together in the same type of situation. Either we love watching 2 hour features with children or we're doing the "relaxing day out" bit all wrong. I'm pretty sure at this point we should just be watching SpongeBob at the Octomom's house on weekends to complete all of our life goals.

When we were there I realized these kids had no reference for the Muppets. They didn't know the back-story of the piano playing dog or why they were referencing "Benson." Oh sorry. Spoiler alert. Retroactive to the previous sentence. (Aside - It doesn't really matter that I spoiled that line since many of you will have zero clue who or what Benson is and the only reason I know is that my dad loves that show. For those of you who don't know Benson was a comedy where a butler at the governor's mansion, unironically named Benson, works his way up, through various hilarious shenanigans, to run for Governor against the man who once hired him. This started the golden age of butlers on TV which included Mr. Belvedere, Geoffrey from Fresh Prince and, uh, Benson. Well, I guess it wasn't that golden of an age. It was more of a tin age of butlering. According to science journals, however, butlers increased by .0002 percent during this time in America. Take that chauffeurs!) The kids in the theater were experiencing the Muppets for the first time and it made me think of how the Muppets are sort of ingrained in one of my childhood memories.

YOU SAID I COULD STAY UP UNTIL 9. I MUST HAVE BEEN ADOPTED.

Oh. Whoops. Wrong one.

When I was 12 or maybe 14 or it might have been yesterday, my parents took my brother and me to Disneyworld. There were three highlights of the trip for me. One, we got to stay in a hotel and the hotel had free fruit punch. I don't know why fruit punch excited me so much back then, but it probably had to do with discovering a concoction where fruits come together in one delicious liquid. Thanks for inventing that Kool Aid Man. (I'm assuming he's the one who did it with his Oh Yeahs and all around generosity) Two, my mom refused to go on Space Mountain with us due to her crippling fear of rollercoasters, space, and mountains. That was a highlight mainly because when we asked her why she wasn’t coming with us she said…

“I don’t want to go to space.”

Space, eh, is it a frontier we really need to see? – My mom.

But looking back on it the real highlight was when I was in a store either at Disneyworld or somewhere in the Orlando area. I don’t remember the specifics since I was high off of fruit punch and/or the burning Florida sun, but I know we were in a store. It was in this store I saw a doll of a Muppet that was blue. And had a really large nose. And was wearing a suit. As a kid of the 90s I can attest to a few things. Zubaz was great. Slush Puppies were (and still are) great. And any doll with a suit on and a large nose is something I needed to have. It’s really just simple mathematics. I begged and pleaded with my anti-space race mom to buy it for me. As soon as she bought it I clutched Gonzo so hard since I loved him so much. Why? Because I like when people buy stuff for me.

This is America.

I still have that Gonzo doll somewhere in my parent’s house. When I was watching the Muppet movie I thought of how that doll was part of a childhood memory I hadn’t thought of until sitting in that theater. People always say that when we were kids were “simpler times.” It’s really true. There was nothing to think about back then. We begged for a Gonzo doll, we ate ice cream, and our parents paid the bills. Now we have to worry about the rent, having clean underwear, and why our girlfriend’s are crying watching “Don’t Forget the Lyrics.” “I sang that same song at karaoke the day after Captain Jellybelly died!” “Who’s that?” “It was my fish, YOU JERK.” Awkward. While sitting at the theater I thought about all the kids that don’t have to worry about getting the parking validated. They were going to laugh at the Muppets and then in 20 years remember something that brought a smile to their face. It’s a moment that made me smile thinking about it. It was bear-y great.

Waka Waka.