I See Dead People is Funny Until You See Dead People

Last week I saw a dead body. Normally, this is where I would interject some pop culture okie doke and say something flippant about Sam Waterston or The Sixth Sense, but the sad part is that it really happened. As I was riding my bicicleta (we're bilingual now) home I saw a dead person. I've seen dead people before on TV or the movies or a casket, but to see someone lying face down on the sidewalk with no movement is an another feeling entirely. This didn't have the prepared emotion of saying goodbye at a funeral and was missing the lovely little sandwiches that funeral after parties tend to have.

You know what made me hungry? That dead person.

I've always been an inquisitive person. Because of that I was a parent's worst nightmare. DAD, how does the gas get to the engine? How do planes fly? Why does rain sometimes taste salty? Why are there 24 hours in a day? Who shot JR? Who is JR? Why can't we run as fast as cheetahs? Who invented clapping? Why are people different colors? Who farted? Nowadays most of these questions are researched on Wikipedia and the farting question is easily answered by the phrase "whoever smelt it dealt it", but I still ask a lot of questions. Seeing this person dead brought back all of them. What if I was there sooner? Could I be dead? Is this random? Was it planned? The questions were mounting except now there was no Wiki or stupid Ask Jeeves with its non answers to help me.

My friend asked me how I felt about seeing a newly dead person and my first emotion was weirdness. I would say that is probably a common emotion when you see a lifeless body in front of you. That feeling then evolves into abject fear that you could possibly be fingered for something you didn't do and be sentenced to death row where they don't give you any little sandwiches. Sometimes the system doesn't work. I'VE SEEN THE FUGITIVE. After I got over those two emotions my next one was sadness. I felt sad that this person, who I didn't even know, probably had no idea they weren't going to be able to say bye to anyone they loved. Or reply to that e-mail they said they would get to tomorrow. Or do all the things they wanted to do. It was a helpless feeling looking at all the dreams of one person end right in front of you.

Depression - Table of Me.

I wouldn't say I'm consumed by death, but I do think about it a fair share. I mainly think about if I've done everything I’ve wanted to do and said what I've wanted to say to everyone before I die. I usually do this right as an airplane I'm in is taxiing on the runway. Before we get in the air, I'll look at the seatback in front of me which is in an upright and locked position and say to myself, "Are you ok with how you've lived your life if this plane goes down?" It's a morbid way to fly and I don't recommend it to anyone, which is why I end up bawling and thanking the pilot profusely after landing. For most of my life the answer has been no, but recently it's turned to maybe. I'm about halfway there. I've told friends I love them. I've supported people who deserve it. I've convinced my father that Sheryl Crow has another line in that song other than "Over Santa Monica Boulevard."

"That song is nice." - Pops Subramanian.

Since seeing that body I haven't gotten a full night's sleep. I woke up one day last week with my body sweating and my pillow wet from my face rain. Normally my bed is wet from my utter refusal to dry myself off after a night shower, but this time the terror has won. I'm thinking about whether I HAVE said everything I've wanted to say and realizing that I haven't. I wake up in the middle of the night because I worry that waiting has its consequences. I know I won’t be able to DO everything I want tomorrow, but I can SAY everything I need to today.

Hold on, writing down that saying. New cliché alert.

The wise philosopher Chris Bridges once said “Do It Now Cause Tomorrow Ain’t Promised Today.” If I had only heeded those words when I first hear them in 2003 off the wondrous thought provoking album, “Chicken-n-Beer” I would have lived for the moment since then. I wouldn’t have needed a fresh dead body in the street to remind me that tomorrow could be too late.

That’s why I’m having mini sandwiches today.