The Cream Always Rises To the Top When God's Involved

If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "unimportant." BUT, if I had two such words to describe myself I would choose unimportant and ponderer. I'm a big life ponderer and like to think about where things came from and who invented these things. I asked my dad a lot of these questions, but he usually replied with "Don't you go to school?" A very valid response to a a 10 year old kid asking you how planes fly when you are a person that makes parts for said airplanes.

The original Ask Jeeves indeed.

Since I still don't know how airplanes fly or who was the first person to get a haircut or how an x-ray looks inside of you yet we haven't created the technology to see inside of walls or girls locker room showers and implement that in our eyes; I usually sit around by myself asking these questions to no one in particular. Pondering is why people become bloggers or get checked into mental hospitals by their families.

Blogger Psych Ward. Coming to USA network Fall 2011. Starring C Thomas Howell as Mr. Ian Terrnet.

Obviously, I have a lot of questions and even less answers, but I save most of my questions for one thing. The elevator. I don't understand the elevator so I went to the trusty Wikipedia to see who's idea it was to have a box ride you to each and every floor of a building with multiple levels. A little known fact about elevators is that it was invented as a "cabin to God" and the first known findings of it were in the middle ages by knights that were risen to the heavens by pulleys to see the holy one. Wild.*

*that entire definition was made up by yours truly. I didn't go to Wikipedia or really even care to, but I thought my reasoning was better than anything that could have been written. A "cabin to God". There's only one person that has one of those. That's right. Cheech Marin.

A true fact is that the elevator was invented somewhere around the 1800s. So by conservative estimates it's been around for around 200 years. This seems like a long time for anything to be around. If something is around for 200 or so years you probably would have some sort of sense how it worked. But for some reason every time I've gotten out of an elevator this week I've had a person barging into the elevator before I can get out and then saying "sorry" like they're shocked someone would be riding the God box. Not expecting someone to be in an elevator when it opens is like cutting your ear off and not becoming an amazing painter. Absolutely ridiculous.

If it was really a "Miracle Ear" you would grow another one.

I would say that there are an isolated few instances where people walk into the elevator when other people are getting off, but it happens all the time especially in office buildings. Here's a question. Do you know how an elevator works? PEOPLE RIDE THEM. What are these people thinking? That the elevator has descended from space and not stopped anywhere else so it can take them to the second floor since they hate taking the steps after their 3rd gelato at the cafetorium? They do know that the elevator is not their own personal lift ticket to another floor, right? Is it really that difficult to wait 5 seconds, see if someone is getting off and THEN enter box?

ANSWER THE QUESTIONS.

I know we live in a "now" society where everyone is in a hurry. I get it. Here's the thing though. The elevator always moves AT THE SAME SPEED. Just because you got into the elevator right when the doors opened doesn't mean it guns to 65 and drops you off at the penthouse. I have yet to ride an elevator that's doors immediately close when you step in and goes faster than the normal speed because you pressed the button 7 times in a row like a crazed maniac. Here's a thought. Be a human being. Wait for 5, actually I'll be nice, 3 seconds to see if people step off and then get on. Everything will work out. I promise. Just because you are shoving women, children, and handsome Indian men out of the way to get on, does not mean it will automatically seal it's doors shut like a Doc Brown creation and zip you off to 1955 or Levy, Levy, and Levy Law Firm and Associates on the 5th floor.

Disclaimer: Not responsible for any stopped or plummeting elevators that may occur after doing said right thing. I say all of this and nothing will change. Tomorrow I will get off the elevator for our conference and, inevitably, someone will be bum rushing the elevator like they're running from wild animals in Pamplona and it'll be awkward. I'll shake my head and move on, muttering to no one that other people ride elevators while my co-workers shake their head.

I hope Blogger Psych Ward needs a guest star.