Banana Fana Fo Fam, Me My Mo...This Game Is So Stupid.

I've always heard the phrase, "What's in a name?" Ok, "always" may be pushing it, but at least once I have heard someone say that phrase. I love names. That statement in and of itself really doesn't mean much, but I like the process behind coming up with names. Some people and parents in particular have a grand old time coming up with names. They add things in like "La" or "Sha" or "Mike" in front of first names. Some, on the other hand, like the classic names of yore such as "Thomas”, "Jennifer" and my personal favorite" Ezekiel".

"Man you're a great deer hunter."
"Eh, it wasn't really moving, it was an Ezekiel."

Name Puns!

I prefer the more classic name. Someone asked me the hack question once of "what would you name your kids?" That question has to be in the list of questions you ask when you have nothing else to talk about with someone. Note to everyone. If a person asks you this on a date immediately pay the bill, pretend to go to the bathroom and run. Run like the wind has never run before. Spoiler alert: It won't work out. Since I'm a question answering type of person I answered with the names I like. James and Elizabeth. My explanation is that I like regal names and those names are pretty regal. And my children will not be allowed to shorten them to any nicknames because we will be a regal family full of crowns, various kinds of jam, and toffee made by elves that live in our basement.

Hark! You rubes will be blinded by our stallion’s horns! To the dungeon with your lost souls.

I'm not sure if that was regal or medieval, but I feel like there is some crossover.

Pondering names is definitely on the top of my pondering list. It barely beats out the other questions I have like "Why do we sit when we drive a car," "Why would you drink a non alcoholic beer when beer tastes terrible and it won't help you make bad decisions," and "If wearing rollerblades is gay then if gay people wear rollerblades are they straight and destroying everything we've come to know about the homosexuality of rollerblading?" But thinking about names is much better than those questions. The other day I was watching a football game and I noticed one of the coach’s names was Cam Cameron. At first I couldn't believe that yes, his last name was a first name. Cool indeed. The second thing I then thought was that his first name was Cameron and his last name was Cameron and his full name was Cameron Cameron. Mind? Blown.

Boutros Boutros Ghali has company.

I did what should always be done in the situation. I took a nap. After said nap, I immediately pulled up the world fact book also known as Wikipedia. I looked up Cam Cameron and expected to find out the reason his parents would subject him to the same name twice. I wanted to know if they really lived by the credo, “A name so nice they named him twice." Did they not know this is just a saying and not something that should be acted upon? But in reality I was just sure they were the first ever hippies and wanted to do something that was totally counterculture and weren't going to be held down by the "man" telling them how to name names. When I got to his Wiki page I was shocked and/or appalled by what I saw.

His first name is Malcolm.

Malcolm "Cam" Cameron. Now, Malcolm is a fine name made popular by the one and only Malcolm-Jamal Warner of Theo Huxtable fame. Fun fact. Malcolm-Jamal Warner not only brought hyphenated names to the forefront, he also showed that even with dyslexia you too can get into NYU and have friends named after pests that infest your home and gross you out. Dream big people! The problem I have with Malcolm "Cam" Cameron is that his last name is Cameron. Obviously, when young Malcolm was growing up people were shortening his last name to Cam. Totally understandable. What is unconscionable is that he is now using part of his last name as his first name. People call him Cam Cameron. On his resume it probably says Cam Cameron, if you need a resume to be a coach. It is beyond belief to think someone is using part of their last name as their first

What is actually beyond belief? The truth? Ashton Kutcher's acting career? Discuss.

Why should we even have first names anymore? Let's just call everyone with the last name of Jackson, Jack Jackson. John Johnson. Sin Sinbad. This goes against all the laws and set rules of names. You can't just do whatever you want; it will ruin everything this country has come to stand for. We stand for two named people. Three named people if you're a criminal. Except for David Koresh. Never understood how he stayed at two names. Regardless, Cam Cameron has skirted the system and it's not fair. You can't just do that. He has to use Malcolm or Mal or Malki. Something along those lines. If his friends want to call him Cam that's fine, but Cam Cameron is off the table. Once you take a part of your last name as your first name you cannot then add it back into your last name. It is simple mathematics.

Name - Name + Name = GTFO.

It's simple really.